Life and Lemons

it’s one of those weeks that didn’t even fly by. it snuck away so quietly i’m slowly forgetting what happened. so before i do, just in case remembering would have some kernel of importance at some future date…

aaaannnd…the saga of the walking/talking/overriding dead continued. monday i went home early but stayed up late writing about a topic i don’t know hell about and i don’t care hell about. but it’s a deadline, and i’ve never been late to one ever and i’m not starting now. the thing is when i was given a sample to read, i vividly remember thinking, ‘huh, i can write better than this’. so that’s what i thought i was doing, only to get feedback like you need to shorten your sentences and always write in the active voice and write how you normally speak, use simple words and less prepositions (i forgot what prepositions are by the way, but i have to look them up so i can stop using them too much). so apparently, the sample was for emulating, not leisurely reading. i was supposed to write in that direct, no-blah way. okay. got it, promise. *whisper*:but does that mean i’m not getting paid? anyway, i just got a new project and i’m supposed to turn it in sunday night. really got to google prepositions soon.

tuesday i went out to dinner with my otp friends, where i was supposed to meet this guy and we were supposed to like each other at first sight and start texting non-stop and move forward to actual dating. but said guy didn’t even show up. my friend james learned the meaning of the word ‘raincheck’. i don’t know. i say i don’t really care, and really, being single after so long is so much fun, but it’s kind of a piss off. and a kick in the ego. hello? if you said you’ll show up, please do. in what alternate era is a raincheck ever a polite thing to do, on the day of? whatever. i had more fun eating pizza and eating my dairy queen with people who won’t stop making me laugh even though my guts are already spilling to the ground. mmmm, strawberry blizzard i love you.

wed, i had a date with two girlfriends from college. it cost me 400 fricking bucks. i am now officially dirt poor, my wallet is starving. but that was the best spicy tuna salad ever, and said girlfriends also had a knack for gut-spilling laughter. one of them is going on a date tomorrow with a 35-year old guy with two first-born kids. now, i have everything against dating someone with that much baggage, but she’s worrying that the age gap may hinder all forms of conversation. that’s not true. you can talk about quite a lot, even in a limited time, even with the inconceivable 11-year gap. you can even make him laugh without trying. which is good for clueless people like me who have no knowledge of flirting techniques. um. no thanks to acquiring that skill set.

thurs, i stayed until 8 in the office installing things to several computers in the branch because noone else knows how to do it and noone else gives a shit to learn how to do it. then i think i was asleep on the way home, and missed my stop. hurray, zombie.

today, i went out for coffee with the branch friends. today, the hr officer (maam letty) who recruited me long ago called, wondering why i haven’t been asking for a transfer to the head office. saying that my business econ background would be better served at another unit. see, i know that. and with my otp friends already transfering to the head office and literally pulling me to join them, i’ve already heard all the arguments for said career move. but i never budged. the plan was, apply for up mba ay 2010, then resign the minute they admit me. but when maam letty called and asked me if my silence meant that i already like my work at the branch, i felt that sense of cold realization that even at that moment i tried to reject. the only thing keeping me here is my strong fear of change. what if they don’t accept me? what if they’re all bitches there and i have to eat lunch alone? what if my staff there won’t want to watch ‘new moon’ with me come november? what if i suck at the job and my boss hates me? see? crippling fear. but as marky said, how will you even know if you won’t try? so now i’m thinking of applying for that research post, and then maybe if i can go home early i can take up mba night classes instead of resigning. maybe i can try ateneo. and then i’d finally get a car to lessen the stress a bit.

the thought of such a near future is so terrifyingly exciting.

i told este and she started telling me stories of how stressful the work there is. i told jenina and she said how sad, please don’t. they’re sweet. but i’m sleeping on this. the freedom to effect such life changes is exhilirating, but the rush is also frightening.

sat, tomorrow i’m going to the derma because the zombie look is not becoming. and i’m working on my article. and i may be able to squeeze in watching adventureland, if celina agrees we go dutch. and i want to buy a csi ny dvd, and multivitamins too. why do i have to keep reminding myself that i am dirt poor?

sunday, i have to go to work. gah. if anyone who reads this will be in makati, i will be the undead manning the glorietta3 ebc. thank you.

and my eyes don’t recognize you at all/ for reasons unknown

I learned a lot in our company team building this weekend. First, is that watching Brandon Flowers smile and dance in The World We Live In video and trying to replicate the Wonder Girls‘ Nobody dance steps through the magic of a well equipped iPod makes a really fun bus ride. Think Cheesy Ums Pringles and Combos on a field trip. It’s on the same level of fun. Although by the time we got to Antipolo I was already dead on my feet. Call me an old woman, but you try waking up at 4am on a fine lazy Saturday morning when you’ve already had a hellishly sleep-deprived week. It’s not highly recommended. My eyes are just little lines on my face now, with sacks beneath them.

Tt was always fun listening to Mr Miyagi (Miyagi-sensei, osashiburi!!), erm., HR Training and Development Master Sir Ted. The man has been retired for like eight years, but he can still stand up straight and talk coherently at eleven PM while the rest of us were drowsing in our Monoblocs. He never (and i mean it) runs out of once-upon-a-time, fox-and-cat types of stories to tell, although he’s long been mixing up his cliches and sayings. But we forgive the nice old man and his corduroy Ponys.

I was admittedly asleep half the time in the discussions (whether my eyes were wide open or only slightly drooping, yes sir my consciousness has long left the bulding), but the outdoor activities were not forgiving. A beach ball hit me in the head thrice, I fell on my knees on the hot cement, I was fed on by the hugest mosquito i ever saw in my life, and I’m still waiting for the soreness in my limbs to go away. I’m so exhausted, and I just can’t hide it.

When session ended at eleven last night I really meant to go to sleep. asap. But somebody said there was a karaoke machine at the game room, and you can’t really say no when the big boss is there and a senior manager is offering you alcohol, can you? Proper social adult drinking, anyone? Apparently six shots of orange vodka makes my head all light and woozy, and seven shots makes my words come out slurred. So I really had to stop there. Brandon Flowers then lulled my air-filled head to sleep. His voice guaranteeD a hangover-free morning.

Please see my mental picture below.

The bus left for Makati at around one o clock and dropped me off at the Ortigas MRT, but of course I missed my stop and landed in Trinoma with my sack of a backpack. I must have looked like a pissed off, punch-drunk kid from a blasted field trip when I got off the train.

Now I have to think of an excuse to get out of washing my dirty clothes, and I have to find out the betting odds for the NFL 2009 season, because I apparently have to write a 1000-word article about it, and the deadline is tonight.

Won’t they cancel work tomorrow for SONA too???

Huh. Ouch. And it came pretty promptly too. In like two days after I sent the email. Okay, I have to get used to this. It’s always a bumpy, hole-infested, long and winding rugged road to get to the thing you want most. It’s fine. It’s okaaay.

But still. Ouch.

Query letters, synopses, sample chapters, exclusive submissions–Ms Meyer was right. It gets so intimidating I am tempted to just stop right here. But everything exciting comes with a shot of fear. As do everything important to you, and all things worth getting. I am going to give it a try, even if I may feel licks of depression for every rejection I get. And I think, I think, I may be able to get what I want. Sooner or later, and maybe the timing doesn’t even matter. Life starts at 23 right? And then again at 40?

Thanks, Tin, for the quote. This will now be my life motto.

Just to lighten up my damp mood. I love Jaekyong’s hair. But I think I have to iron mine every frigging day to make it look like that. But still, I try.

This should in the calendar, if coffee prices aren’t so ridiculously steep. I meant to not spend a dime until the next payday, but there it was last night, 250 bucks flying off a starving wallet to pay for a green tea frappe (which is yum, no matter what they say) and a mallow cake (which didn’t deserve it’s expensiveness, I’m sorry). There was something to be said about gossip and emo mumblings and never ending heartache (theirs, and yeah I guess, only a teeny bit of mine) and headache talks, though. Specially if it’s with people you only discuss encashment approvals and policy deviations with on a daily, 8-5 basis. And it’s always fun to hear Lolo Norman’s tales of old, even it means I’m upping my second-hand smoke intake.