Writing Now

What I Did When I Realized I Can’t Be a Rock Goddess

I dreamed of being one once. I got my dad to buy me an acoustic guitar, and I brought it along to school to learn the chords to Leaving on a Jetplane and Ako’y Sayo, Ika’y Sakin. Today, I still know the intro to Parokya ni Edgar‘s Harana. But that’s the most it amounted to, really. I quickly learned that I preferred watching other people play, mesmerized by how their fingers made love to the guitar. Soon my humble acoustic instrument was passed along at school, borrowed by my more talented and persevering classmates. They may not have grown up to be rock gods, but they did learn to play more than the intro to Harana.

So I was left with the dream, which transformed into an active daydream. The daydream sprouted characters, and eventually, a story.

Jill is the lead vocalist of the indie rock band Trainman. She also plays guitar–rhythm and lead, depends on the song, depends on how she, Kim, and Miki decided. They usually played it by ear, specially during live shows at Commute Bar.

Kim is Jill’s ex-boyfriend, the one she has been with for seven years since she was fourteen. The one who broke her heart just two months ago and hasn’t looked at her properly since. That’s a hard job to do, since they share the stage nearly every night.

Miki is Jill’s best friend, and he says that every breakup has a three-month probation period. Jill is on the last month of hers and Miki is patiently keeping her company.

Shinta is a hot Japanese celebrity. He is also Jill’s what-are-you-having-for-breakfast, call-me-if-you-can, cross-ocean friend. Now he is here, physically present, and together he and Jill go through old lyrics, vivid memories, walks in the rain, and bottles of beer. Together they try to answer the question: what do you do when forever ends?

Obviously, I daydream a lot.

You can share my daydream, Songs of Our Breakup, soon 🙂


Photography by Mark Christopher Bayot, featuring Ace Tria.

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